(Capturing Imagination Photography)
Twelve days ago my life changed yet again.
My third child, a baby boy, was born.
Lately I have been sharing about how nervous I have been coming up to his birth. About how scared I was that I couldn't handle another child. About how worried I was that I wouldn't bond with him.
Even in the midst of labour, my nurse asked me if I wanted him put up on my chest right away, or if I would prefer him to be taken to be cleaned and weighed first.
I didn't know how to answer.
What if they put him on me and I felt absolutely nothing for him?
I don't believe I even DID give her an answer. Circumstances decided for me. They had seen a tiny bit of meconium in my amniotic fluid and when he came out, they assessed him and said "he's not breathing"...which was a GOOD thing. That meant that he had not breathed any of the meconium into his lungs, thankfully.
But, when I heard "He's not breathing" my motherly instincts kicked into high gear and I was so fearful for his health. I watched helplessly as they took him to the table and aspirated him. Still not hearing any noise from him, I looked at my friend who was in the room with me. She and all the doctors and nurses seemed calm. I wondered why no one else seemed worried! "He's still not breathing!" I thought.
When I finally heard his strong little cry, my heart began to melt. "He's okay", I sighed.
And so I began to fall desperately in love with my newest little man.
I can't help but want to protect him from any dangers that may come in his life.
I can't stop my lips from grazing his soft little head. His cheeks. His mouth.
Turns out I DID have enough love in me to give. And my other two boys have been falling in love, too.
Now we have the perfect little family. Me and my three boys.
And I couldn't be happier.
Or more tired. ;)